Compiled by @marseniuk
@johncmayer It’s 2:25 p.m. and I just overheard someone say “the night is young.” Vegas.
@iheartbeans The Strip is full of crazy ass drunks! Good grief! Are there any adults anymore? This place is a real life Jerry Springer!
@PokerVixen Is it a sign of good oral hygiene or a badge of shame if you become the mayor of your dentist’s office on 4SQ?
@MichaelBoychuck If Howard Stern would have used the F-word on radio he would have probably got a huge fine. Where is vice president Joe Biden’s fine?
@benzojones Searchlight—you’ve been #TeaBagged. The express moves on …
@JustJulie Did I really just pour OJ in my coffee instead of creamer? It’s going to be a long day.
@lollieshopping eBay is my time machine to the ‘80s.
@benzojones Elisabeth Hasselbeck goes off on Sarah Palin. When Hasselbeck is making sense, you know something’s screwed up.
@JessBerlin O/H at the marriage bureau … from the groom to his bride next to us: “What’s your middle name?”
@funnykeithlyle What a surprise—GOP leaders won’t sign a “Civility Pledge.” That would ruin their whole plan to undermine the truth.
@markknoller Obama says when dust settles, U.S. will have a health care system that “incorporates ideas from both parties”—Democrats and I.
@newandhorrible Kids just tried to convince me to watch The Hangover or Zombieland, because they’re “rated E for Everyone.” YOU WILL NOT FOOL ME, CHILDREN.
@dwax Day 2 of post-health care reform American socialism feels a lot like before the Revolution. When do the jackbooted thugs come for my liver?
@benmaller: Tiger Woods once dated LeAnn Rimes. (It would be easier to list the women he didn’t sleep with on Twitter.) #PGA #Golf
@aka_kristin If anyone was wondering if it’s possible to regret something you haven’t even done yet, it totally is.
@WLefkovics I only have eight seasons of “24” to catch up on.
@carlsjrofvegas What do you get when you cross a centipede with a turkey? Drumsticks for everybody!
@retrocakeguy There’s an Albertsons employee taking her break by laying down on the charcoal and rock salt in front of the store. Great branding.
@doctorparadox I need way more than 140 characters to describe the show I just saw. Next time you’re in Vegas, GO SEE KA.