Tweets of the Week

­­Compiled by @marseniuk

@RichardAbowitz Hey Cirque, a good magician is available, finally, for your one bad show. Lance Burton-Believe. Nice sound to it! A chance at real fixation.

@DitaVonTeese Confession: Real reason I don’t do after-show meet and greets each night is because I would miss out on the group shower with the dancers.

@EmilyJillette I got an advance copy of @zappos book, “Delivering Happiness.” I’m looking forward to reading it. I’ll probably buy new shoes when I’m done.

@gretawire Harry Reid’s motto: Driving Nevada Forward (and America off a cliff!).

@marcsavard My 5 1/2 yr old asked me how Lady Gaga likes her steak cooked. I dunno? She responded, “Raw Raw, Rah Ah Haw.” Where does she gets this stuff?

@ODDTwitter Sitting next to a girl clad head 2 toe in Ed Hardy, desperately trying to cover up scent of sin w/ VS perfume. Not everything stays in Vegas.

@DeepakChopra Had a powerful meditation just now—caused an earthquake in Southern California.

@kellyoxford Just noticed my son calls Justin Bieber “Justin Beaver.” Not going to correct that.

@perezhilton Just saw @DitaVonTeese’s show at the Crazy Horse in Vegas. I think I may be bisexual now. Hot damn!

@owillis Dow is up 3022 points since Obama was sworn in as president. For a destroyer of capitalism, that’s a pretty horrible record.

@thestrippodcast Holy crap! Frank Gehry just told me his favorite structure on the Strip is … the Excalibur! “That knocks my socks off.” Wow. Also, yikes.

@tinch Like a bad stripper, the iPad sits cold in my lap.

@conanobrien I’m confused by the new census form. There’s no box for “Sickly White.”

@ikeSeege Lance Burton leaves the Monte Carlo, the hotel that was built around HIM! What’s next, Siegfried and Roy are no longer at The Mirage???

@howiemmandel I didn’t realize I was feeling an earthquake. The chandelier over my urinal is still swinging.

@ScottAukerman They should rename Twitter “Bored Comedians In Airports.”

@TheMcNabb Anyone selling a house in Washington?

@BeanzOmalley Benji Madden is bangin’ Holly Madison? Congrats douche, my great grandpa’s college roommate hit that, too!!