Untying the Knot, Twisting the Knife

Of the many tattoos Michelle McGee has, one of the most ironic is split across her collarbones: “Love is Suicide.”

So is, you know, hanging yourself after you come out as the other woman in a high-profile marriage. Or when pictures of you dressed as a Nazi hit the Internet. Or when word gets out that you made a spoof video making fun of the woman whose husband you slept with. Or when everyone in the world finds out you have a really stupid forehead tattoo. Just saying; it’s an option. Oh, and that you can buy some nice rope at your nearest Lowe’s or Home Depot.

Then again, shame doesn’t seem to be McGee’s strong suit. In fact, we’re not even sure the word “shame” is part of her vocabulary. The model/actress/mistress was at Déjà Vu the night of April 23 to sign autographs for fans, which proved that anyone, anywhere can have fans for any reason as long as big, fake boobs are involved.

McGee did her signing session before taking to the pole, regressing to a simpler time when she was just an inked-up stripper and not an inked-up stripper home-wrecker whom Miss Congeniality fans really, really hate.

McGee was photographed coyly holding up a tank top that read, “I’ve been a bad girl.” Now we know what that strange heat we’ve been feeling is: It’s scorned and double-crossed Sandra Bullock’s laser death-glare, zeroing in on Southern Nevada.

Jesse James’ former flame lasted two dances, including one set to a Rammstein song. Earth to brain-dead, so-called bombshell: Making German metal your theme music isn’t going to silence any of that Nazi talk.

What a dummkopf.

Here’s our advice to McGee: Keep it to the strip-club classics, such as “Girls, Girls, Girls” or “Pour Some Sugar on Me.” There’s nothing sexy about “Deutschland Uber Alles.” Or Jesse James’ fame-hungry former booty call.

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Looking to take a vacation away from technology? Good luck. These days, it takes a lot of discipline to turn off your Blackberry or iPhone and get away from it all. Even a weeklong camping trip to the Valley of Fire State Park doesn’t mean you’ll be without access to e-mail anymore. OK, it can be tricky to get cell reception, but there’s no need to go without power.