Compiled by @marseniuk
@Jockin_JB Your swerving SUV and D.A.R.E. sticker lead me to believe you want to keep kids off drugs so there’s more for you.
@RandiActress Vegas is like an abusive spouse that you hate in the end, but you keep running back to!
@thestrippodcast I don’t wanna say that this stadium is empty but let’s just say the size of this crowd is … gossy?
@TonyDasco L.A. friends = embarrassing. Not gonna go to pool while they wear these Euro shorts and fake porn mustaches. Gotta be summer in Vegas!
@marcsavard I’m feeling like I should get some work done, so I’m going to a movie until that feeling passes.
@Samhaskell It’s easy to explain the difference between Miss America and Miss USA: class, scholarship, talent and service. That’s it.
@6BillionSecrets I work at Starbucks. When customers are rude to me, I serve them DECAF.
@tompapa Talking with old people is like constantly having a bad cell connection.
@CraigyFerg Up early today. Jetlag + espresso = tweaky Riverdance antics before breakfast. I’ll be weepy and cold by lunch.
@HopeDworaczyk Twitter, Google, Blip, Yahoo… Who names these? Dr. Seuss?
@vegasdeluxe Strip Scribbles: Celine Dion named America’s favorite singer in poll
@funnykeithlyle Who’d they poll, deaf people?