Compiled by @marseniuk
@emzbenz Can the Kardashians, especially Kim, please fall off the earth, like now? Pls thx.
@SinCitizenX I’m no more impressed by your iPad today than I was over your Bluetooth headset last year.
@DailyFiasco Heidi Montag wants to be in Transformers 3. She’s already half CGI, it could be a real budget-saver for Bay.
@justinbaule My best feminine feature? Clearly my jaw line, they say it’s like Khloe Kardashian’s.
@MLONGO919 Do you suppose VH1 will re-title it Pacemaker of Love? 😉 #BretMichaels.
@GloriaFallon123 That Lee DeWyze guy is cute—when he’s not making that “I think I’m gonna hurl” face.
@obeyjef The voices in my head speak in jibberish and hoopla.
@SheckyGreen Poker room massage = no happy ending.
@AbbiPeltier Country music is full of the worst tough guys ever.
@unlvrebelbuzz I hope all the Rebels take the time in the off-season to master that thing that Kobe does with his underbite. It apparently works.
@stevejones20 It’s really hard for me to watch someone else eat pancakes.
@veronicafchou Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
@flickrecipes I love waking up past 8 on a weekday. Hurray for furloughs!
@GaryJBusey Went to the movies last night and it took me 45 mins. to realize that Queen Latifah and Common were NOT Shrek and Donkey.
@Nick_Nolte Holy shit, I saw another albino. I think they’re after me, creepy fuckers.