Welcome to Splitsville, a.k.a. Reboundtown

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, or one who makes up for it with appearance fees.

The famous and jilted moved in this week, salving the wounds of heartache like anyone else: By distracting themselves with shiny friends, shining lights and a weekend of capitalizing on their very public dumpings.

Stars! They’re just like us.

Rumors of cheating swirled around Kelly Osbourne and her former fiancé, Luke Worrall, and last week the two finally called it quits. In lieu of her just-extinguished flame, the dutchess of darkness brought a friend to Las Vegas, and on July 15, the platonic pair had dinner at Union, where they toasted Osbourne’s reclaimed singledom. The following night proved to be a bigger one, as Osbourne checked out fellow Brit Matt Goss (and his show, too) at Caesars Palace before heading back to Aria, where she partied at Haze with actor-rapper extraordinaire Common.

Also recovering from a breakup in Single City was Jennifer Love Hewitt, whose yearlong relationship with Jamie Kennedy apparently ended in March. The actress was at Azure pool at the Palazzo on July 17 to promote her Lifetime movie, The Client List. (In the movie, she plays a prostitute.) Later, she hung out with director Eric Laneuville at Lagasse’s Sadium at the Palazzo.

Meanwhile, Kennedy was also in town, at Munchbar inside Caesars Palace on July 19. This means either there’s still something going on between the two, or he’s stalking her, or he has really, really bad timing. (Judging by his comedy, we can’t rule out that last one.)

Still, of everyone who just joined the ranks of the involuntarily single, it was The Bachelor’s very own Vienna Girardi who best turned her misfortune into, well, fortune. She followed her recent split from fiancé Jake Pavelka by hosting three so-called “single and fabulous” parties: one at Tao, a second at Tao Beach and a third at Lavo.

Girardi proved to be a solid investment, though, as Tao Group got an extra bang for its buck: The fabulous and fearless femme contributed to the advertising effort on July 16 and handed out promotional fliers publicising her party to patrons in Lavo’s main-floor lounge. The following day, the promo turned more personal, and she handed out “Team Vienna” T-shirts to the crowd at Tao Beach.

After witnessing Girardi’s determination and skills as a saleswoman, we can’t help but wonder how long it will be before she lures some sucker down the aisle and straight into a lifetime of never being able to give her enough validation, ever, under any circumstances.