Compiled by @marseniuk
@kingsthings Why do people say something is “as cute as a button”? Why not as cute as a zipper?
@TorreyLV Had an erection that lasted more than 4 hours. On my way to the Doctor. Thanks for the pill @ELIPACINO.
@VegasWhitey Just got on my flight on Spirit Airlines. It’s the closest thing to cargo. I’ve got two chickens and goat buckled in next to me.
@Trayo I still woulda kept OJ over Eric Gordon.
@JordanRubin Asking me to be friends with your dog on Facebook is the same as asking me to unfriend you on Facebook.
@JustJroc At the movies, gonna watch Eat. Love. Pray. with mom!! How did she get me to agree 2 this? (BBM hand over eyes face)
@HueyBoonDocks The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.
@JGoods242 Vegas x Lady Gaga concert = super freaks.
@DjMightyMi D.A.G.C.H.T.L.A.T.W = Drunk Asian Girls Cant Hold Their Liquor At The Wynn.
@Seemeinlv Anyone know why my shin is black and blue?