Tweets of the Week

Compiled by @marseniuk

@kingsthings Why do people say something is “as cute as a button”? Why not as cute as a zipper?

@TorreyLV Had an erection that lasted more than 4 hours. On my way to the Doctor. Thanks for the pill @ELIPACINO.

@VegasWhitey Just got on my flight on Spirit Airlines. It’s the closest thing to cargo. I’ve got two chickens and goat buckled in next to me.

@Trayo I still woulda kept OJ over Eric Gordon.

@JordanRubin Asking me to be friends with your dog on Facebook is the same as asking me to unfriend you on Facebook.

@JustJroc At the movies, gonna watch Eat. Love. Pray. with mom!! How did she get me to agree 2 this? (BBM hand over eyes face)

@gennyelizabeth Can somebody please tell me why every time I get drunk in vegas Lady Gaga lyrics show up on my twitter feed? #hotmess.

@HueyBoonDocks The hardest thing in life is to know which bridge to cross and which to burn.

@J_Flynn #annoyingquestions “Did you get my text?” Obviously I got it. Why I didn’t respond is the real question.

@JGoods242 Vegas x Lady Gaga concert = super freaks.

@lesthuet My 6-yr old went to breakdance camp this week and I got to see him perform today! So cute. Watch out #jabbawockeez!

@DjMightyMi D.A.G.C.H.T.L.A.T.W = Drunk Asian Girls Cant Hold Their Liquor At The Wynn.

@IamCros1 Jazzy Jeff shit was cool but I just wanted to get my groove on not play name the hip hop sample all fuckin night #keepinitreal

@Seemeinlv Anyone know why my shin is black and blue?

Suggested Next Read

Ward Cleaver Makes a Playdate

The National Newsroom

Ward Cleaver Makes a Playdate

By Alexandria Symonds

On a recent sunny morning, Norm Elrod was standing in front of the freezer case of a little market near the New York apartment he shares with his wife, Amanda, a graphic designer, and their two cats. He was having trouble deciding between two bags of frozen edamame: one 40 cents cheaper, the other an ounce heavier. He surmised, correctly, that the smaller bag was a better deal, then repeated the process with tortilla chips.



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