Tweets of the Week

Compiled by @marseniuk

@robdelaney Every time you fart as you’re walking through first class getting on a plane, Jesus high-fives your grandmother.

@memorybank A freshmen girl just sang an A Capella version of “Shots” by @LilJon. Speaking of shots, shoot me.

@joanna_haugen Just passed Elvis running through @ExcaliburVegas parking lot. #OnlyInVegas

@JimGaffigan The recession is over? Does that mean I get to keep the rest of my hair?

@LasVegasLisa Can anyone find me enough bubble wrap to completely cover me? Seriously, I am prone to accidents and could use it!

@kingBrian702 So, apparently I had a party at my house! N I was not invited, how is that?! LOL Woke up to a kitchen full of beers n a Grey Goose bottle!

@Mr_Reznor Only thing Bieber can hold claim to is being this generation’s Hanson. Except “Mmmm Bop” made me feel less physically ill than his SHIT.

@hannahsatana I think we should start a revolution and throw all the members of the Tea Party into Boston Harbor.

@helloross I haven’t had a carb in a week. I’d almost rather be fat & in a long-term relationship with Doritos. #TheresGottaBeABetterWay

@PeterGriffinn Good friends do not let you do stupid things … alone. 

@Oscarmolina Dude, the DMV knows how to party! They are serving E, G & H at all the counter here!!!!

@MissKellyO Why do people think it’s an insult to say, “You’re only famous because of who you parents are!?” No shit, that’s a fact, not an insult!!!!!

Suggested Next Read

New rules slash card fees

Personal Finance

New rules slash card fees

By Kathy Kristof, Tribune Media Services

Don’t look now but a funny thing is happening to the plastic in your wallet: It’s getting safer and easier to understand and use—at least if you’re the right type of customer. The final stages of credit-card reform went into effect recently, capping a two-year process that was designed to eliminate sneaky fees for everything from exceeding your spending limit to simply not using your cards.