@NCVegas Homeless guy wearing Carolina Panthers T-shirt just asked me 4 $$$ so he could buy new shirt that wouldn’t embarrass him to wear in public.
@bazecraze Whoever said “it never hurts to ask” never asked.
@JamieBic One more fake account tweets me an offer for a FREE DELL LAPTOP and heads are gonna roll! Shit is going DOWN!
@PRPblctyPRncss What’s wrong with this picture? It’s colder in Vegas than NYC.
@conor_hastings Apparently only students of the highest caliber can attend UNLV… and apparently admissions didn’t get the memo.
@JMRD Ma’amed. Fucking ma’med. At the motherfucking Walgreens. Was it the Batman band-aids, Dove dark chocolates & birth control pills?
@azizansari Whenever I see a baby flying first class, I like to imagine it’s traveling by itself and is just a real baller baby.
@WelchysGripe Gay man, last name “Cummings,” charged w/ harassing TSA agent b/c he ejaculated during an extensive pat-down. Right now, the world is perfect.
@ImRenoGood One man can make a woman hate all men.
@Marty_Chan Cut Sarah Palin some slack over N. Korea allies gaffe. Easy mistake when she can’t see N. Korea from her backyard.
@Jrowe89 Best friend and I just decided who’s going to be in our weddings. Too bad we’re both single.
@ABonnarLV Just saw an informercial for pajama jeans, made of spandex! OMG, why don’t they just call them I Give Up on Myself jeans?!