Tweets of the Week

Compiled by @marseniuk

@cindygallop1 My Breakfast Companion had the definitive Vegas Night To Forget. The good news is that the Hustler Club found his phone.

@StephenAtHome American Idol is back, and I love the two new judges–Jennifer Lopez and the elf from “Dark Crystal.”

@rosscott Your body may be a temple. Mine is a cookie jar and coffee house.

@jackalltimelow I wish you could see the fucked up images that go through my head when a girl says “I’m gonna go freshen up.”

@mindywhite Has anyone noticed that the “lol” symbol looks like a little drowning guy? I’m gonna go ahead and say he’s probably not laughing out loud.

@JulieCane I wonder what Santa’s elves are doing in the off season. I would love to hire them to clean up toys.

@RichardAbowitz Anyone want to start a lottery to bet on what day CityCenter files for bankruptcy? It will be like guess the number of jellybeans in a jar.

@BobbyNaples Hardknocks, sideline tripping, sexting, posting foot fetish videos, crying at press conference. All things Super Bowl champions don’t do.

@JayZNation Why is it when people want to borrow money from you you’re not an asshole, but when you try to collect they think you’re an asshole?

@TFLN (360) I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.

@101er Wow, #Oprah’s “big secret” is she has a half sister? Unless that half sister is Stedman, I don’t see how it’s even vaguely interesting.

@BeccaPiano Oprah’s big secret isn’t so much that she has a half-sister, it’s that SHE ATE THE OTHER HALF.