Why the Big Mob Bust Didn’t Go Down in Vegas

The FBI recently arrested 125 reputed mobsters in a single day. Eight hundred federal agents were in on the investigation, proving that it takes nearly seven G-men to arrest a wiseguy. Still, there were so many hoods that the feds needed to commandeer an entire gymnasium to book them. The gym, unfortunately, was in Brooklyn, leaving Las Vegas authorities scrambling to determine why we didn’t get to host the big event. As always, Vegas Seven is here to shed light:

1. The corner booth at Piero’s was booked.

2. Attorney General Eric Holder has not forgotten President Obama’s admonition: “You can’t get corporate jets. You can’t go take that trip to Las Vegas.”

3. The mobsters, who after all are family men, also remember Obama’s advice: “You don’t blow a bunch of cash in Vegas when you’re trying to save for college.”

4. Our coffee shop jukeboxes no longer stock “Don’t Stop Believing.”

5. There are no mobsters here. Everyone knows the DJs run Vegas.

6. Reputed hood Junior Lollipops couldn’t get through the rope line at Pure.

7. Four words: “Oscar Goodman, mob lawyer.”

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