@jack “Says here he leaves behind a wife, two children, and forty-seven Twitter followers.”
@xBieberHeart_ It’s Valentine’s Day for people who are in a relationship, but it’s Single Awareness Day for those who aren’t.
@mikelmonroe “I just got an email from MySpace asking me ‘where I’ve been.’ Answer: 2011.”
@copierguy31620 Who does Lindsay Lohan think she is…. Winona Ryder?
@rodney_at_large It’s embarrassing when the same drive thru chick sees me eating at McDonald’s every day. Until I remember she’s the one working there.
@alyankovic BTW, Christina Aguilera, nice job at the Super Bowl, but changing the words to songs is MY gig.
@WhitneyCummings If your facebook update is about how busy you are, you’re not busy.
@Eye_on_MMA Nice thing about being single is, I never have to remember Valentine’s Day unless I’m writing an essay on Al Capone. & that almost never happens.