JWoww turns 25, boobs turn 4

In the latest episode of Jersey Shore, Jenni “JWoww” Farley turned down an offer to hook up with a stranger because she liked how things were going with her new boyfriend, Roger Matthews.

You know, like a normal, reasonable person would do. We weep for what Jerz might become if this plague of rational behavior and consideration for other people’s feelings continues unabated.

Clearly, if she keeps this up, they’re going to have to write her off the show and replace her with an Italian sociopath who’s really committed to the lifestyle. We’re just spitballing here, but what’s Mussolini up to these days?

Farley, with her highfalutin’ “acting like a decent person” ways was at Vanity on Feb. 26 to celebrate her 25th birthday, along with Matthews and 15 friends. They were dancing and smooching until about 3 a.m.

The one thing missing? Anyone else from the Shore. To be fair, though, Deena and Snooki could have been hiding under each of JWoww’s boobs, and no one would have ever noticed. Pro tip: That’s a great way to avoid paying cover if you ever need to sneak into a club when JWoww is in town.

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Seven Nights

Seven Nights

Thu 24 Grab some free drinks and take a seat as a judge for the UNLV Beverage Club’s Rock ’n’ Roll Cocktail Competition at the House of Blues. (In Mandalay Bay, doors 9 p.m., no cover, RSVP at Raw.Chef@yahoo.com.) Hef may be engaged, but the Playboy Club will never stop looking for more beautiful women to join its posse. Tonight the lounge hosts the Playboy Model Search. Each month’s winner will be featured in the Miss Playboy Club 2012 calendar, and receive $1,000 and gifts from the Palms.