@TRENDYBLACKGUY Success is my job. Pissing people off is a side hobby.
@toddlevin “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” would be vastly improved if each show ended with a shot of Guy Fieri alone in his truck, crying.
@JadeAstaria It’s not my fault you didn’t read the fine print. I came with a warning label.
@shmust Why is Harry Reid so concerned about outlawing Nevada hookers? Does he want a monopoly on screwing people?
@batsly Don’t drop a hat around me. I do a lot of unspeakable shit at the drop of a hat.
@SexCigarsBooze “Died from not forwarding an e-mail to ten friends.” Something you’ll never read on a tombstone.
@PaulNatiw Everyone is tryin to rip everyone off nowadays; why isn’t rent for the month of February pro-rated if it’s a good three days shorter? Hmmmm.