Tweets of the Week

Compiled by @marseniuk

@TRENDYBLACKGUY Success is my job. Pissing people off is a side hobby.

@2girlsandpoodle Hey right on! Charlie Sheen’s a warlock. That’s awesome. How brave of him to go public. This changes everything. #what.

@JoshDVegas W/ Oscar Goodman’s term up, I think Charlie Sheen should run for Mayor of Las Vegas! He would get the job done! #Sheen4Mayor.

@VegasArgot Just checked my e-mail, got invited to a business mixer at a strip club. #nvgirlproblems.

@toddlevin “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” would be vastly improved if each show ended with a shot of Guy Fieri alone in his truck, crying.

@JadeAstaria It’s not my fault you didn’t read the fine print. I came with a warning label.

@shmust Why is Harry Reid so concerned about outlawing Nevada hookers? Does he want a monopoly on screwing people?

@samanthamcglone It’s Rihanna. Your name is Rihanna. Write it on your hand or something so we don’t have to listen to that $&#*^ song again.

@batsly Don’t drop a hat around me. I do a lot of unspeakable shit at the drop of a hat.

@SexCigarsBooze “Died from not forwarding an e-mail to ten friends.” Something you’ll never read on a tombstone.

@PaulNatiw Everyone is tryin to rip everyone off nowadays; why isn’t rent for the month of February pro-rated if it’s a good three days shorter? Hmmmm.

@meadhbhboyd Giuliana Rancic looks emaciated, someone buy that girl a cheeseburger. #Oscars.