Dame Situation, of the Northhampton Situations

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino had the run of the Sugar Factory/Chateau complex recently, and he did it with local gal Marcy Depena.

Sorrentino hosted at Chateau on March 11, handing out shots of protein-infused Devotion Vodka to fans. Look, we’re not going to suggest people start getting picky about their free liquor, but if you’re a girl, and the Situation is handing you vodka he promises is filled with protein, you have to be at least a little suspicious, don’t you?

The Sitch took Depena shopping in the Sugar Factory store, then returned March 12 to drop more than $1,000 on clothes that he said were for his girlfriend and sister. So either Depena’s his girlfriend or he has a girlfriend somewhere in Jersey who’s going to be irate when she sees those pictures of Sorrentino hand-feeding Depena.

Or better yet, he’s one of those guys who starts tossing around the word “girlfriend” after a couple of dates. You know what? We’re going to go ahead and assume that’s the case.

That wasn’t the end of the line for this week’s Jersey Shore influx. There are carrion birds that are easier to keep away.

Deena Cortese was also spotted at Chateau and Sugar Factory, while Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola celebrated her 24th birthday March 12 at the new Paris nightclub. Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi was, for her part, first at Wet Republic, then hosted a Spring Break party at LAX on March 12. She turned up with boyfriend Jionni LaValle and was given an inflatable crocodile.

When viewed side-by-side, experts were unable to determine which was Polizzi and which was the crocodile.

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The crowd outside Sugar Factory American Brasserie was jammed around the red carpet hours before arrivals were supposed to start—all to catch a glimpse of Kim Kardashian on the way in to the fancy gingerbread house at Paris. And to think, all anyone would have had to do to disperse the crowd would have been to play Kim’s “Jam.” Two bars in and watch them all scatter.