Irony Withstanding

Hipsters commit the ultimate sin at a recent Beauty Bar concert

Sometimes the music is not the story at a concert. On March 24, at Beauty Bar this was the case. The audience was large and packed in tight along the indoor stage, eagerly anticipating Thee Oh Sees, a San Francisco-based band, fresh off a successful stop at South By Southwest.

The crowd dug these noise-rockers, but I did not. There were no levels; every song was like the last one. But perhaps I was soured by the horrific sight I saw. Here are three words I hoped I’d never have to put together: hipster mosh pit.

Just writing it makes me shudder. People who wear dark horn-rimmed glasses, skinny jeans and vintage T-shirts have no business slamming into one another on a dance floor. Frankly, it’s just sad. A hipster mosh pit is like a homophobic gay bar—a paradox of nature that is self-defeating.

We love the same music, but hipsters should know their role. Stick to what they’re good at: finding great bands that you will to popularity, obsessing over Wes Anderson (sorry, but his last great movie was The Royal Tenenbaums), growing ironic mustaches (it’s not funny anymore) and cutting up old jeans to make homemade shorts (you got another year before this reaches the mustache-level of being played out.)

Yes, it’s time for hipsters to find new things. But a mosh pit is not one of them. Maybe they should hold hands next time instead.

Let us never speak of this again.

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