@killorn While I might agree the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, I really think that’s post-breakfast advice, Grandma.
@grayjon U can tease me all u want but my Prius just cost me $35 to fill up (at $3.91 a gallon). See u in 2.5 weeks gas pump!
@drewstubbsfan It would appear that I’m the only one in the world that doesn’t really care about basketball. Is March Madness over yet???? !
@cornlog This high-powered shop vac I got doesn’t fill the hole in my soul created by having kids but it comes damn close.
@MarylandMudflap Thanks to Facebook, 4Square, Zabasearch, Google, and the internet in general, stalking is so easy its almost boring. Almost.
@k9leavings I’m pretty sure someone in the men’s room is trying to get the last bit out of a ketchup bottle.
@GooseTFI Our lesbian neighbors gave my brother a Rolex. That was nice, but I think they misunderstood when he said, “I WANNA WATCH.”
@the_mical I may hate on the hipsters, but I’d take a sea of hipsters over a group of three or more frat boys any day of the week.
@StevieTickets Worst kept secret: Britney Spears is the special guest at Rain. Best kept secret: You have register to win tickets = shitshow at the door! ha ha.
@jasonmustian Ask not what your country can do for you, but what NATO can do for your country, so it doesn’t look like you’re starting another war.
@TonyDasco Vegas Dealers theme song: “Everyday I’m Shuffling.”
@wordlust “Meep” is now in the Oxford English Dictionary. The Road Runner wins again.