21 Ways to Beat the Heat

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Slather on the sunscreen and break out the parasols, because—despite our schizo spring—the heat will be here … any second now. If those measures don’t save you, here are more tips for beating it. Or at least for putting up a helluva fight.

Eat ice, ice baby at Sonic Drive-In. In addition to summer-perfect hamburgers and dogs, slushes and smoothies, you can buy a bag of ice here without even leaving your air-conditioned car. And it’s not just any bag of ice, but perfectly sized chips that you can crunch, crunch, crunch. Just don’t tell your dentist.

Get a buzz cut. Either gender. Call it a pixie if you want to, ladies. Either way, no hair on the neck = cooler. For a great cut: Kimberli Lopez at Tease in Summerlin (9540 W. Flamingo Road, Suite 160, 489-4000), who is as cute as the haircut she’ll give you.

Share a pitcher of margaritas with your friends at Agave (10820 W. Charleston Blvd.). They’re delicious, knock-you-on-your-ass strong, and the tacos are zesty complement. Imbibe, then call a cab.

Lace up your blades and go ice-skating at the SoBe Ice Arena at the Fiesta Rancho hotel-casino (2400 N. Rancho Drive). Take part in public skate times such as 8-11 p.m. Friday and Saturday, or join in a pickup hockey game during the week. Call 631-7000 or check out FiestaRanchoLasVegas.com for weekly schedules and prices.

Skip the blow-dryer. Towel dry. Trust Mother Nature to style it. Chicken.

Tan without the sun. Skip the baking, get a spray tan, put on some sunscreen and think how good you’ll look when you’re 60.

Choose menthols. We mean the cooling skin products, not the cigs, which can’t possibly make you feel cool. Try Aveeno Skin Relief Moisturizing Lotion, available everywhere. Inexpensive, and cool!

Convert to a cold shower. James Bond did it. The Spartans did it. It’s good for your circulation. It doesn’t dry out your skin like hot water does. It’s invigorating. Show some courage, man. Get in. Save money!

Freeze your grapes. Or your blueberries, as the case may be. A delicious cold snack.

Wear loose clothes. Or no clothes at all.

Get all igloo at Minus5 Ice Bar in Mandalay Place. For 35 bucks, you get to sit on a block of ice and drink chilled vodka from a glass made of ice. Or, if you prefer, you can drink from the breast of a naked-woman ice sculpture.

Think about Newt Gingrich as your future president. Chilling.

Rent the sweatiest movie ever made: Body Heat, starring Kathleen Turner, William Hurt and a pre-Cheers Ted Danson. It’s been 30 years since this film noir set in humid south Florida seared the big screens. “You can stand here with me if you want, but you’ll have to agree not to talk about the heat,” very-randy Ned introduces himself to a very-bad Matty.

Settle into a cold, dark movie theater. All. Day. Long. See our summer movie preview.

Rent the coolest movie ever made. Somehow forgotten in last year’s Vegas Seven roundup of “Movies to Chill By” was Fargo. The Minnesota winter takes on a memorable role of its own alongside Marge Gunderson (Frances McDormand) as she investigates some malfeasance. You’re darn tootin’ tears of laughter will stream down your cheeks.

Drink water. Gallons and gallons of water. It shouldn’t need saying, but it always does. Mayo Clinic advises eight 8-ounce glasses a day. Bottoms up!

Get a pair of Carrera Drift sunglasses ($75, SolsticeSunglasses.com). You’ll look mahvelous. You may not be physically cooler, but you will look cooler. And it’s not how you feel, it’s how you look. Of course, any cool factor you achieve will be erased by an ancient SNL reference.

Avoid the Death Ray on the Strip! Evidently Vdara has solved the problem, but, if you’re like us, no matter what’s been done, you’ll have your nose on guard for the smell of smoking flesh.

Douse yourself in water and then hop on a roller coaster at New York-New York. By the end of the 67-mph Manhattan Express ride, you’ll be bone dry again, but giddy!

Get a free chill. Loiter in the refrigerated room at your neighborhood Costco: Squeeze the produce and suck in the cool air. If only you could bring a lawn chair. Or, spend a little extra time selecting a cold one inside the Freakin’ Frog beer cooler (4700 S. Maryland Parkway).

Chase down that ice cream man! You hear him. He’s driving that old truck and blasting “The Entertainer,” and just because you’re not 8 years old doesn’t mean you can’t grab some cash and run out there in your flip-flops waving and screaming. Bomb Pop, anyone?

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