Heidi Montag consoles Crystal Harris through whatever passes for heartbreak and regret

There’s waiting for the body to be cold, and then there’s drawing cartoon penises on the body and uploading the pictures to Facebook like 30 seconds after you just smothered it to death with a pillow.

You can guess which one Crystal Harris went for.

The Great Playboy Runaway Bride of 2011 of course bailed out of the probably-not-all-that-blessed union to Hef less than a week before the scheduled nuptials. Which would have been June 18. Which just happened to be the day Harris decided to go hang out at Wet Republic with Heidi Montag.

And just to comically underscore the point, for the less subtle among us, Harris was reading the newest issue of Playboy poolside with Montag. You know, the one with the headline “America’s Princess: Introducing Mrs. Crystal Hefner.”

Holly Madison, for her part, wasn’t amused. She sent out a series of Tweets reacting to the news that Harris was coming to the MGM pool, saying, “That’s a new low,” “That’s disgusting and whoever booked her is tacky,” and of course, “No, they show HEF’s real friends . . . RT @CrystalHarris: Hard times show your real friends…”

So … they won’t be going to see Bridesmaids together, then?

Harris played it off like a well-deserved weekend outing after a particularly rough stretch of work.

“I’m doing OK,” Harris said. “I just had to get away; today is the day, and I just had to get away.

“I wanted to be true to myself and be true to what was best for everybody. It was a mutual decision between the both of us. I’m giving Hef back the ring. … I just want to move forward.”

Hef already told Harris that she could keep the $90,000 ring (and a Bentley he’d given her). So, why can’t the rest of you all just move forward? Why is everyone living in the past? The wedding was supposed to be June 18 and she called it off all the way back on June 13. You people should really stop dredging up ancient history.

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