A little bit of the Roman Empire makes an appearance

If you ever secretly suspected that the rich and famous live a twisted, decadent, Caligula-like existence outside the constraints and expectations of society that the rest of us are forced by circumstance and station to observe, no matter how much we’d like to cast off those shackles and live a debased, id-driven existence—well, Vanessa Minnillo ain’t exactly trying to disprove your notions.

Nick Lachey was in town to celebrate his pending nuptials to the Disaster Movie star along with best man Drew Lachey and fellow 98 Degrees-er Jeff Timmons. So Minnillo did what any playful fiancee with enough money and a questionable grasp on basic human dignity would do: She hired a little person to appear at Tao Beach on July 2 as Mini Vanessa and deliver Veuve Clicquot to Lachey, so he could spray it all over the crowd.

Oh, and did we mention that this was all because Minnillo had a Mini Nick serenade her at Lavo when she had her bachelorette party there?

We’re this close to seeing celebs command partiers to partake in orgies and gladiatorial combat on the dance floor. And it’s going to be awesome, you guys.

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Thu 30 Kick off Independence Day weekend at the all-American PBR Rock Bar during its Patriotic Patio Party, which will offer $5 Washington apple shots, red, white and blue daiquiris, dollar bull rides and like-home barbecue. (In Planet Hollywood, doors 10 a.m., no cover. Complete Fourth of July weekend party lineup.) It’s OK to be excited, all you punk-rockers! Something to scream your lungs out for: The Vans Warped Tour (1) returns to Vegas.