Pawn Stars hiring, but there’s a height requirement

Are you looking for work? Do you love negotiation and/or knickknacks? And are you looking for work because you’re very good at dribbling and passing, but your professional options are currently limited by ongoing labor negotiations?

Congratulations! There is a job opening for you, bench-riding, third-string center.

The guys of Pawn Stars have put out the call that they’d like to hire an unemployed NBA star to come work at Gold & Silver Pawn Shop. Clearly, they’re desperate to win their all-pawn-shop pickup league.

Interested parties can send a résumé to nbapawnstar@gmail.com. But please, no more Cavaliers. It’s embarrassing when all 17 team members independently sent résumés not so much to take part in the gimmick, but to hedge their bets in case everyone else realizes they’re not very good at professional basketballing.

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At 9:30 on a Wednesday night, the club is virtually empty. As the clock ticks closer to midnight, though, L.A.’s Hyde Lounge quickly fills to capacity with the beautiful and the well-dressed. Girls with model faces sport fashionably nerdy glasses with their mini-dresses. Guys show up in business casual or high-end sportswear. This is a club where you want to look your best. It’s too exquisite a venue to show up in the same jeans and sneakers you would wear to a rock concert.

DTLV

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