Lampanelli Out of the Boardroom, onto the Stage

This year’s Celebrity Apprentice is going to have a nasty streak, courtesy of Lisa Lampanelli. The Queen of Mean is going to be one of Donald Trump’s 18 whipping boys and girls when the show airs Feb. 12.

In the meantime, Lampanelli will be in town Satuirday at The Pearl (8 p.m., $49.50-$59.50) to perform stand-up. We caught her on the phone to talk about the show, playing at the Palms, and her mini-rant against NBC last week.

What happened when you were promoting? You were all over TMZ.

You know when they do these TV launches you have to do these 18-hour press days? Even when I had a spare minute, I filled in with other stations. I really am a workhorse, which is probably half my problem on Celebrity Apprentice, that I work too hard – because other people don’t do that. I did a ton of work for them. They begged us to go to this horrible Knicks game. I don’t even like basketball. I don’t even get it. I’m like, “I’m really tired, I don’t want to go.” They said they really need photos down there, and only three celebrities were nice enough to go.

We get our tickets and my manager looks at them and she’s like, “OK. So Theresa [Giudice] and Dayana [Mendoza] are sitting there, and you’re sitting there like 11 rows up.” I’m like, dude. Life’s too short to not be treated exactly equal to a housewife and a beauty queen. I’m sorry. I don’t care where where we’re sitting, but we’re sitting together. Put us all in the rafters for all I care. I could give a fuck less. I railed on NBC, because I’m like straighten you’re shit out, folks. When somebody gets comps to my show, I know where they’re sitting. And they’re all sitting together.

What was the fallout? Did someone from NBC get in touch with you?

Yeah, they called me of course. Any network doesn’t want you being unhappy. You can go around on Howard Stern, or to anybody and just talk shit. NBC is no different than any other network. They’re no better or no worse. They’re fine. They treated us awesome during the shoot. We got treated really, really well. The food, the lodging, everything was top shelf. It was an oversight, it was stupid. They were like “How can we make it up to you?” I go, “By not doing it again. Don’t treat anybody so they don’t feel less than anyone else.”

You’ve said before that you really like playing the Palms.

I think as theaters go, it’s probably the coolest one [in Las Vegas]. I think my show has gotten so I just go off. I haven’t been able to talk about the Apprentice on stage yet. That will be the first show where I’m really allowed to say anything. I have a lot of stored-up stuff that I’ll be able to talk about that isn’t spoiling anything. They’re like, “Oh, don’t talk about the show.” I’m self-employed, remember. I don’t really have to worry about getting fired. That was what we call a fictitious show. I think it would be really fun to go up in a place like that and for the first time go, Oh, let me tell you about this show I just did. I think it’ll be cool to hear some inside scoop if people want to come out.

People might expect you to deal pretty honestly with some of the other contestants. Was there anyone you mixed it up with a little bit?

I was trying to make a list of people I didn’t have fights with yesterday on the show, and I can’t remember any I didn’t have fights with. I really focused on the women a lot because they’re fucking retarded. I can’t stand lazy, I can’t stand stupid, and when you have some people who are either one or both of those things … I want to kill people. When I’m working really hard and I don’t see it in other people, or I when I feel someone just doesn’t have brainpower and just doesn’t deserve to be on a show where you’re supposed to use your head, I get really mad. My temper is crazy. I am like the Meatloaf of this year’s Celebrity Apprentice. I scream, cry and eat the whole time. It’s all I do.



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