The absolute best way to convince everyone of the sincerity of your retirement from the porn industry is to host the AVN Awards. Then again, we suppose co-host Dave Attell isn’t in the biz, either, for which the whole world can be eternally grateful.
After the show Jan. 21, Bree Olson held her after-party at Gallery, where she jumped up on the pole. Which is also something that definitely has us convinced that there will never, ever be a return to doing films like Not Spenser: For Hire XXX and This Ain’t Second-Tier ’90s Girl Group SWV. Which we assume are the only porn parodies left to film.
The former Charlie Sheen goddess said she’s moving to Hollywood on Feb. 3, presumably to pursue a career in legitimate movies. Like the inevitable big-budget reboot of Spenser: For Hire, the only TV franchise left to film.
She also said she has no plans for Valentine’s Day. “I don’t have a lover, so I’ll probably be auditioning for something.” Sure. Auditioning for something where Peter North puts on his best Robert Urich wig and answers to “Spunk-her: For Hire.” Actually, hang on. Don’t you dare steal that on us and pitch it to Vivid Entertainment, because we have a future in showbiz here.