Meet The Twins

“We live in a cynical world,” Tom Cruise said in the 1996 film Jerry Maguire. I couldn’t agree more, and as a gesture of understanding I’d like to introduce him to a pair of my dearest friends, Johnny Dundee and Seamus Heaney. Dundee is my left fist and Heaney my right, and they’re just dying to express their appreciation for Maguire through coordinated discourse. Now, I did not name my own fists; that would be presumptuous of me. Dr. O’Callaghan’s Scientific Fist Names Generator, a service dedicated to the notion that “all gentlemen and ladies … must be properly introduced” before a proper round of fisticuffs can ensue, christened them. By the way, should the other party in my planned meet-and-beat want to christen his lieutenants, Cruise’s fists are named “Devon Murray actor and Timothy Smiddy.” Now let’s show ’em the money, Seamus!