Now that the weather has dialed up from “Scottish moor in December” to “surface of the sun two months earlier than expected” in the span of about six days, it seems like perfect timing for pool season to come all the way online.
Which is fortunate, considering pool season just came all the way online.
The first Ditch Friday of the year went down April 20 with Kelis and a $10,000 prize to the hottest entourage (because $10,000 prizes to the hottest something-or-other have to be awarded—may as well be for that). Marquee Dayclub kicked off April 21 with Avicii on the turntables and Redskins cornerback DeAngelo Hall and reality TV refugee Brody Jenner in the crowd. Encore Beach Club had former Playmate of the Year Sara Underwood to increase its bikini quotient, while Tiësto spun April 22, with Ne-Yo in the day before.
It was the start of Rehab’s ninth year at the Hard Rock Hotel, though, that went for the gusto.
If by “gusto” you mean “Pitbull dressed like Neapolitan ice cream.” Which we do.
The singer of, well, pretty much every club song ever, busted out a white shirt, white jacket, light pink pants and chocolate-brown shoes with matching belt for his performance April 22. All he was missing was a cone and a van following him around playing a jingle. If children were allowed into Rehab they would’ve attacked him with spoons until desperate security dudes could lure them away with episodes of The Last Airbender and handfuls of M&Ms.
As it was, Mr. Worldwide did a few songs from a set list that actually wrote out the spots reserved for a “TALK BREAK.” That’s the kind of spontaneity that marks a freewheeling, creative artiste and not, say, a focus-grouped, mass-appeal simulacra in pink pants.
New Hard Rock resident Pauly D spun a set while crew from The Pauly D Project filmed for his insurance-against-a-disintegrating-Jersey Shore show. Too $hort got up and worked the mic for a crowd that was graced by Flavor Flav. First he turns up at UNLV games, now he’s at Rehab? Why aren’t we giving Flav another reality show where he hangs out exclusively with 21-year-olds who have never heard of Public Enemy?