You know how we all pay attention to the Oscars because it’s the big, prestigious awards show, but secretly get way more excited for the Golden Globes because that’s where everyone’s drunk and God knows what’s going to go down when you put Billy Bob Thornton, Nicki Minaj and 46 Red Bull/vodkas in the same room?
Well, Grammys, meet your own Golden Globes.
The Billboard Music Awards, at the MGM Grand Garden Arena on May 19, in terms of sheer unintentional comedy, delivered on a level not seen in an awards show since Grammy voters took a good, long look at each other and said, “Men at Work is a layup for Best New Artist.”
First, you had Miguel, whose accidental leg drop/flying kick to two different women during “Adorn” hopped on the meme bus and took the express route deep in the heart of Internet-Town. (It’s outside of Schenectady.)
Then you had Justin Bieber, who, when being presented with the first-ever Milestone Award, was booed like he had punched a kitten. (In Internet-Town, where cat violence is a felony.)
At least the weekend started better for both of them. At Tao on May 18, Miguel did “Adorn” leg-drop free for a crowd that included Will.i.am, Jennifer Lopez and boyfriend Casper Smart, and comedian Kevin Hart.
And as for the Biebs, things apparently are going better with Selena Gomez, because the two of them were spotted at The Beatles Love.
Bieber wore sunglasses during the show, just like he did during his acceptance speech, which completely explains the booing. Also: When one wants to remain anonymous, perhaps being the only person in a darkened theater wearing sunglasses isn’t the best way to go about it.
The absolute best-case scenario is everyone around you thinks you’re a performer there to pick up some pointers for some upcoming Cirque du Soleil Jersey Shore adaptation.
Breezy Returns to Scene of (Figurative) Crime
Another Billboard performer—who had to be thrilled with Miguel’s physical punishment of women, but disappointed by his lack of intent—Chris Brown was out after the show, too.
Breezy was spotted first on May 17 at 1 Oak, where he’d just celebrated his 24th birthday earlier in the month. Then after the awards, he turned up at The Bank, with Karrueche Tran, whom he originally dumped to get back together with Rihanna. Good for Tran, showing that kind of tenacity.
Bruno Mars was there, too, getting up to do “Locked out of Heaven,” while Wiz Khalifa and Amber Rose danced at a table near Brown’s.
Another one for the road
Breaking Bad star Aaron Paul was with fiancé Lauren Parsekian at Marquee’s Library Room on May 18, about a week before their wedding. They got his-and-hers cakes. Paul designed his to look like the steps of the Eiffel Tower, where he proposed, and had “My pretty bird, thank you for loving me” written on it. We don’t know what kind of code that is for a huge meth order, but we’re assuming it is. … Psy followed the Billboard Music Awards with a trip to Lavo, where he did “Gentleman,” which came out in April and is exactly as culturally distant from late 2012 as was seeing Journey in the mid-’90s and having them play cuts from Trial by Fire before doing “Don’t Stop Believin’” and “Separate Ways.” … After the awards, Taylor Swift celebrated her eight wins with dinner at Nobu inside the Nobu Hotel. She then reportedly broke up with Nobu in order to pen a venomous kiss-off song, but she’s having a tough time rhyming “sashimi” with “never gonna see me.”