BUCK STOPS: I can’t say why it is that Buckcherry, the Los Angeles band that’s playing at Red Rock Resort on June 22 ($47), has never really registered with me. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with them, per se. They’re actually a pretty decent rock outfit, as far as Aerosmith knockoffs go. (That’s not a slam; I’ve loved plenty of Aerosmith knockoffs in my time.) To my ears, they perfectly embody the ideals of the 1970s, back when any young American male could dream of touring with two semitrucks full of gear, going shirtless in leather pants without compunction, and catching something annoying but curable from a professional groupie. And it was a time when a song as gleefully misogynistic as Buckcherry’s “Crazy Bitch” (Hey! You’re a crazy bitch/But you fuck so good, I’m on top of it) could earn a band some invaluable cultural currency—an audience with the pornographic film stars of the day, and maybe a stern rebuke from Billy Graham. That era has passed (and with it, my dreams of rocking you in my Freddie Mercury onesie). But if you want to step into that time machine, you go with my blessings. If you can, bring me back Pamela Des Barres.
CORE VALUE: I’m not rocking the hardcore metal the way I used to. How does the expression go? “If it’s too reminiscent of the superior metal bands you loved when you were 15, you’re too old.” I mean, how in the hell are these new groups supposed to stand up to my memories of Sabbath? Slayer? Pre-Load Metallica? Still, that’s just my old mouth flapping away, and you shouldn’t listen to me in any case. If you wanna see Killswitch Engage, Miss May I, Darkest Hour and The Word Alive at the House of Blues on June 22 for the low price of $25, you ought to go and tell my elderly, dilettante ass to fuck right off. I’d expect nothing less of a true headbanger.
NOW ON SALE: You’ve mouthed your supplications, burned your offerings, played and replayed the superior last two minutes of “All the Love in the World”—and now, true believer, your faith in Trent Reznor is being rewarded. Nine Inch Nails is playing not one, but two shows at The Joint on November 15-16, with extra-special guests Explosions in the Sky. Tickets are $71 to $81.