New Topless Revue Is Topped Off by Imagination and Style

X Rocks

X Rocks

X marks the breasts. Now it gets its Rocks off, too.

Another topless mammary entry isn’t news, merely the next chapter in our endless skin epic, Moby Dick Bait.

Yet the Rio’s new X Rocks, from the erotic stable of the Stabiles (producers Angela and Matt), adds wit to the tits, a push-up-bra improvement over their last endeavor, The D’s revival of relatively flat-chested (creatively speaking) Raack N Roll.

Similar to Raack, five X Rocks sexpots thrust, grind and slither on the King’s Room stage to ear-busting hits by Slash & the Conspirators, Muse, Metallica, Awolnation, Alice in Chains, Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath, among others. Imagination is the difference—clever accompanying videos, intriguing set pieces, nifty lighting.

Projected images roll off ladies’ undulating bods like the opening montage of a James Bond flick. Monitors abutting the stage garnish the dancing and breast-ing. Whirling psychedelic images flash by, as do lyric snippets (“My girlfriend’s a dick magnet” from “Bad Girlfriend” by Theory of a Deadman) and segment-setters (“I was chaste; now I’m chased,” as a nice girl goes naughty).

Shortly after tits and nips make their inaugural appearance it’s clear X Rocks aims beyond being a wham-bam-thank-you-boobs bonanza. Numerous numbers are intricately choreographed. Particularly impressive is one set to Alice Cooper’s “The Black Widow” and against a spider web from which dancers hang and gyrate upside down alongside an eerie video of a black widow spider.

Tight buns slide across motorcycle-style chairs outfitted with handlebars and headlights. Supple ladies pirouette within and atop a hanging hoop to the accompaniment of Blood, Sweat and Tears’ “Spinning Wheel.” Oversized gift ribbons are knotted across their chesty assets as they frolic in a bed of roses during Poison’s “Every Rose Has Its Thorn.” Day-Glo G-strings, lingerie and body handprints light up the semi-darkness. Nodding to the ’80s, there is writhing across an 8-track-player prop blasting Whitesnake. One woman is fake-fried in a sci-fi-style electric chair. Another performs a twirly-legs-only routine, the rest of her body obscured by the curtain.

Plus the usual: country-music hoofing, woman in a cage, pole-dancing and more topless yadda-yadda with hottie-hotties.

Conceived with panache and inventiveness, X Rocks augments this kitschy genre with an entertaining implant.

STRIP POSTSCRIPT: Super superlatives and heightened hype equal promotion for … Criss Angel. Our Master of Self-Regard’s new Spike TV series, Criss Angel BeLIEve, debuts October 15. Surely written by publicists but likely approved by him, a press release includes these rapturous passages:

“Criss Angel sets out to confirm he’s the greatest magician of all time. … Each week, Angel will attempt bold and audacious demonstrations never attempted by any mystifier in history. … Viewers will also get a glimpse into Angel’s dangerous and mysterious life. … For over a decade, Criss Angel has dominated the world of magic as the biggest name on the planet. His visionary approach to the art escapes the confines of tradition and has given birth to a new breed of modern mysticism.”

Making massive objects vanish is his forte. Obviously his ego isn’t among them.

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