NSFW Foods!

Don’t even think about bringing these meals into the office

Photo and food styling by Anthony Mair

Photo and food styling by Anthony Mair

There should be an unwritten rule about what you can and cannot eat at your desk. If your office mates can hear you on a phone call, they can smell your lunch. While some co-workers may find themselves hungry after one whiff of your rich, garlic-studded chili, others may find the meatiness too overpowering for cubicle life. And we get it, you’re only eating Paleo now, but would you please stop cooking your broccoli in the microwave? So if you must work through lunch, remember: One person’s extra onions is another’s trip to HR. Here are some of the most common workplace offenders, along with some options to help avoid any office space unpleasantness.

Cooked Seafood

Salmon cream cheese on your bagel? Fine. Sushi? Fine (but why are you eating sushi at your desk?). We understand you’re filling up on your omega-3s, but please, don’t heat up your leftover salmon steak in the microwave. It’s not the fish itself; it’s the act of warming it that releases the frown-inducing scent upon your co-workers.

Instead: Try the Chimichurri Salmon Salad from Rubio’s. The sauce—a green concoction of basil, parsley, chives and garlic—brings lots of flavor to the plate, but best of all: The salmon is grilled at the restaurant, so there’s no lingering fishy smell to swim after you. Locations throughout the Valley, Rubios.com.

Microwave popcorn

At what point in history did we decide that it was acceptable to eat popcorn that smells like feet as it’s being made? Did our need for convenient popcorn overtake our need for that airy, nutty smell that we associate with the movie theater? Enough with the microwave popcorn. The pregnant lady whose office is next to the kitchen thanks you.

Instead: Splurge a little on Popped gourmet popcorn. Besides coming ready-to-eat, fancy popcorn comes in a variety of interesting flavors, including white cheddar, s’mores, salt and vinegar, and the beloved sweet-and-savory Chicago mix of caramel and cheese. 9480 S. Eastern Ave., Henderson, 998-9234, PoppedCornShop.com.

Too Many Toppings

While not necessarily in the offensively odoriferous category, the sandwich piled high with fillings inevitably falls apart, whether from the bread failing under the sheer weight of its contents, or simply poor construction. Whatever the cause, it’s now all over your keyboard, and maybe even your shirt.

Instead: Head to—and please stay at—Capriotti’s for the SlawBeJo. It’s got “sloppy” in its name (kind of), thanks to creamy coleslaw tucked in with roast beef, provolone and Russian dressing. But the bread integrity is solid, so there’s no need to fear that the sandwich’s innards might fall through like a wet paper towel. Maybe tuck a napkin into your shirt, just to be safe. Locations throughout the Valley, Capriottis.com.

Photo and food styling by Anthony Mair

Photo and food styling by Anthony Mair

Curry

We love ethnic food, too. And that definitely includes rich, fragrant curries. But this isn’t India, where tiffins of curry are delivered along with everyone else’s tiffin of curry, effectively canceling out the net aromatic effect. Japan, India, Thailand, Vietnam—it doesn’t matter where the curry originated from; each has its own overpowering scent that isn’t always appreciated in close quarters.

Instead: Treat yourself to the polarizing dish in its natural habitat at the new Royal India Bistro in the Rio. 777-2277, RoyalIndiaVegas.com.

Raw onions

Raw onions add pungency and bite to plenty of dishes, including salads and sandwiches. But I’m looking at you, Mr. bagel-and-lox-with-all-the-fixin’s: You know the onions are the offender here.

Instead: Sorry, there’s no getting around the unmistakable scent of the raw onions. Any meal that includes them is best eaten away from the office. Maybe in your car. Followed by a mint.

DTLV

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