Let’s get this right out of the way: The new Bryan Cranston-filled Godzilla comes out May 16, and it’s absolute bullshit because there isn’t one lick of Blue Oyster Cult to be found anywhere. (There’s also no Diddy-fied “Kashmir,” so there’s at least a mitigating factor, but still.)
Director Gareth Edwards, taking a page out of the Roland Emmerich “Let’s blow up as many landmarks as possible!” playbook, includes a scene where the King of the Monsters rips through the Strip. Because what kind of disaster movie would it be if it didn’t knock over the Eiffel Tower Experience? It would be Dante’s Peak. And no one wants that. So just how rough of shape is Las Vegas going to be in once a lizard with fire breath drags his fat tail through the middle of the tourist corridor?
Put it this way: Tony Hsieh will have a whole new world of redevelopment opportunities to choose from.
We start in zooming past the smoldering ruins of TI. Apparently Godzilla didn’t want to see that mall get built out and take over the lagoon. Godzilla’s old-school like that. He probably likes the old pirate show better than Sirens, too. Dude’s been around since the ’50s. It’s just how he rolls.
Now we pan past TI to the Strip proper, where the Quad looks like it escaped much of the damage. The Flamingo didn’t fare nearly as well. Planet Hollywood and Paris came out OK, though the Eiffel Tower got knocked over, falling down across the street. That’s going to be bad times for the Bellagio fountains. In the foreground, it looks like that could be Serendipity 3 that’s cut in half in front of Caesars.
And then …. Noooooo! Godzilla! You blew it up! Damn you! God damn you all to hell! Does Godzilla not make it to the East Coast to mess up the actual Statue of Liberty? Are you going to tell us next he doesn’t blow up the White House and Washington Monument? Do you even disaster movie, bro? At least the roller coaster is still rideable. Vegas is saved, after all.