Paris Hilton and Her Dog Dress for EDC, and Vince Neil Readies for the AFL

Illustration by Cierra Pedro

Illustration by Cierra Pedro

Everyone loves a makeover. That—and little else—explains why Extreme Makeover: Home Edition was on the air for nine seasons.

But what are we to feel when a makeover involves one of our most venerable liquortoriums? Well, pure delight, as it turns out. Beauty Bar, itself no slouch in the Downtown renaissance, was recently snapped up by a surprising duo: Darin Feinstein—veteran of the El Dorado Cantina, Fat Bar and Hollywood’s the Viper Room—and Pawn Star pillar Corey Harrison.

The duo is taking over July 1 and plans on fixing up the ol’ gal, Feinstein tells, giving it new booths, new paint and a new sound system. They’ll also be bringing back the manicures and pedicures the bar used to do back in the day. Harrison promises they’ll be attracting top-level talent with minimal fanfare, hinting that, for example, you could drop by the Beauty Bar and Social Distortion would happen to be playing.

But there’s no way that could stay secret long enough to be a truly surprise show. Someone would figure it out when the city’s pomade supply started drying up in the days prior.

Paris Hilton using Electric Daisy Carnival as a chance to play dress-up was no surprise. She stuck with the ruffly, sparkly outfits similar to what she sported in years past. But this year’s wrinkle was that she stuffed her poor dog, Peter Pan, into a tutu, too. This is where it’s worth pointing out that South Park did its Paris-centric “Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset” episode 10 years ago, and at no point in the last decade has it seemed more imminent that Hilton is one unhinged weekend away from buying a child and making him dress up like Mr. Biggles.

Even the venerable (ish) name of the Las Vegas Outlaws is going to get a makeover. That moniker had been reserved for our dear, departed XFL franchise, but Vince Neil wants to bring it back with an Arena Football League team after the Mötley Crüe frontman earned league approval to pursue a franchise.

That would mean that the Neil-owned Outlaws would go head-to-head in 2015 with the Gene Simmons– and Paul Stanley-owned Los Angeles KISS. Ugh. Frankensteinian supergroup projects were bad enough when they were confined to easily ignored albums. (All eight Damn Yankees fans are going to be irate when they read that.)

Las Vegas has twice tried to make a go of arena football, first with the Las Vegas Sting from 1994-95, and then with the Las Vegas Gladiators from 2003-07. We lost the Gladiators to Cleveland. Cleveland. A city that couldn’t even hang on to an NFL team when Art Modell absconded with the original Browns in ’96.

But Neil at least brings some experience. He already had a minor piece of the Jacksonville Sharks. And if he’s curious he can always turn to Jon Bon Jovi and Richie Sambora, who were part owners of the Philadelphia Soul from 2004-08. Or, presumably, the guys from Ratt, who have to be scrambling on a business plan for a piece of the Orlando Predators now that it’s apparently Hair Metal Discount Night at the AFL ownership table.

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