The Swan Songs of Summer


It’s happening, whether you like it or not. Summer has one thin weekend left on the calendar before the big, official Labor Day blowout. Sure, the pools will stay open for another month or so, and the temperature won’t dip in any meaningful way for at least another three weeks. But the end is nigh.

Which means you’re too late to start up a summer romance. You missed your chance to come up with a summer jam (guess you have to settle for Iggy Azalea’s “Fancy”—just like the Killers did when they covered it at the V Festival in England). And there is virtually no chance you can get into camp. (Besides, you’re 35—you’d look ridiculous in a neckerchief.)

But there’s still a little air left in the beach ball. If summer is staring down the barrel, it could do worse than getting a Will Smith send-off, dipping back to the time when summer jams were actual summer jams. No, really, because when Smith dropped in on DJ Jazzy Jeff for a surprise appearance at Ditch Friday at the Palms Pool on August 15, he ripped through “Summertime” (and ripped off his shirt).

After that, Smith got into the Fresh Prince theme, and rocked his “Apache” dance (sans Alfonso Ribeiro), which is cool and all. But where’s the love for Mungo Jerry’s “In the Summertime?” We thought this was supposed to be on-theme.

Admit it: You were always jealous of your friends who had summer birthdays. They never had to go to school and bring enough cupcakes for the class. Just pure pool parties and water-balloon fights and no responsibility as far as the eye can see. Joe Jonas got to relive that fine tradition August 15 at Beacher’s Madhouse, where the club honored Jonas the best way it knew how: with little people. Little Spinner, the world’s smallest stripper, danced for Jonas—as did a mini Miley Cyrus stripper. Then there was a mini Jonas Brothers concert for Joe and Nick. That’s when they knew they made it. The following night, Joe, Nick, Nick’s girlfriend Olivia Cuplo and a crew of about 30 took over XS, where Joe hung out with a blonde in a black bustier. She was not, for the record, mini.

A new report suggests that Americans are drinking bourbon at a rate not seen since the 1970s. (We’ve never been more proud of you, America.) A big slug of whiskey might not be the ideal summertime cocktail (which we know, empirically, is gin-based), but the brown stuff is important to the exploding business of craft cocktails. And one of the ground-zero bars for the movement, Chicago’s Aviary (from chef Grant Achatz and Nick Kokonas, the team behind foodie hajj destination Alinea), is rumored to be coming to Mandarin Oriental, in a rebrand of an existing bar there. Right now Craig Schoettler is the property mixologist at Aria, but before he came to the desert, he was stirring it up at—wait for it—Aviary. By the time it arrives, though, you might have to trade your summer gin for cool-weather bourbon. Oh no. Not that. Anything but that.

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