Quick—think back and count how many Mario and Luigi costumes you saw on Halloween night. Somewhere around 15 or 20, right? Then you were at a relatively small house party. Everyone loves to go as a two-dimensional character for Halloween. Which makes it a really tough week to stand out when you’re a human cartoon to begin with.
Take, for example, Snoop Dogg, who’s already Shaggy from Scooby-Doo without all the subtext. He did a gig at Tao on Halloween night for the Snoopadelic Cabaret. Great chance for a super cool costume, right? He could’ve dressed like Shaft, or The Mack, Dolemite or Iggy Azalea—really, any of the great Blaxploitation heroes.
Instead, he busted out Todd, the whiteface character he already does on his social media. Come on, Snoop. You’re the guy at the Halloween party who insists his costume is Peyton Manning because the only thing he could find in his closet an hour before leaving the house was a Denver Broncos jersey. You could’ve put some effort in, man.
Then again, real-life Blaxploitation character Suge Knight spent his Halloween in jail, where “convict” is the most popular costume for the 150th straight year. Sugar Bear got popped in Vegas on October 29 stemming from a September 5 incident in Beverly Hills where he allegedly grabbed a photographer’s camera. Comedian Katt Williams was arrested at the same time for the same incident, making them the Super Friends of our times. Knight was reportedly taken to a hospital for a blood clot in his lung over the weekend after he fainted in his cell.
If Suge and Williams are our modern Super Friends, then Deadmau5 and Paris Hilton are more like our Papa Smurf and Gargamel. Deadmau5 hopped on his Tumblr to trash Hilton for making so much money as a DJ. We guess he put her on blast, if you can count “stating the super obvious” as putting someone on blast: “No need to prove that you found someone stupid enough to consider paying you a million dollars for something the world knows you aren’t. Because here’s what you actually are to everyone who knows better: ticket sales. Nothing more.” He did qualify that, though, telling TMZ he’d DJ with her for $2 million. Obviously. We’d DJ with Zombie Attila the Hun for two mil. Which would also make a great Halloween costume.
Our native cartoon humans weren’t sleeping this week, either. Jose Canseco managed to shoot himself in the hand while cleaning a gun at his kitchen table October 28, nearly losing a finger in the process. It’s just really, really irresponsible to keep guns in a house where twin Ozzie could get at them. What if he brought one to school?
Finally, Mike Tyson—whose new cartoon series Mike Tyson Mysteries recently premiered on Adult Swim, making him both a figurative and literal cartoon character—opened up on Sirius XM’s Opie Radio, telling hosts Opie Hughes and Jim Norton that he was snatched off the street and sexually abused at age 7. He seemed sanguine about the whole thing, saying he didn’t know if it changed him. Regardless, it at least explains why he ended up buying a tiger all those years later: Apex predators tend to stop sexual predators.