Duck Dynasty, Coming to a Stage Near You

Already dressed for the chorus line: Jase, Si, Willie and Phil Robertson.

Already dressed for the chorus line: Jase, Si, Willie and Phil Robertson.

Because this worked so well for Pawn Stars, the Duck Dynasty dudes are mounting a Vegas stage show. The Duck Commander Family Musical hopes to open at the Rio in February. So what does a Duck Dynasty musical look like, other than a huge money-pit doomed to shutter within months of opening?

If it’s a broad satire of reality culture in general and the Robertson family in particular, we could see where this could have some interesting artistic merit and appeal to a sharper audience. So naturally, that’s the exact opposite of what they’re doing, opting instead for a straightforward telling of the Robertson family’s story. But, you know, with more music, faker beards and involvement from the kinds of Broadway lifers with whom the Robertsons would never otherwise voluntarily associate.

According to The New York Times, which broke the news, the musical is “expected to feature video of the real Robertsons and duck hunting, interspersed with family anecdotes and a 14-song score that mixes country, blues and show tunes. The likely opening number is ‘Faith, Food and Family.’” Well, if there’s one thing that people come to Las Vegas for, it’s a healthy dose of faith and family. We see zero downside here.

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