Hard Rock Goes Country, Canseco Gives Us the Finger and Diplo Is Lazer Focused

Illustration by Jon Estrada

Illustration by Jon Estrada

Until the Stanley Cup gets contested on the Strip (congratulations to the 2038 South Toronto LightningPanthers, truly the best hoverskate team in the league), we’ve got two major sports championships to choose from in town: the National Finals Rodeo and the World Series of Poker.

And because we have those august events on our local calendar, we get to reap the rewards of ancillary programming during the rest of the year. Like with pop-country trio Rascal Flatts, which just agreed to do a nine-show residency, Vegas Riot!, at The Joint from February 25-March 14. This marks a radical departure from The Joint’s previous residency strategy, which had been restricted to acts that at one point or another would have dealt exclusively in groupies who looked like Tawny Kitaen. 

On the other side of the trickle-down sports effect, we have Jose Canseco, whose athletic prowess of clubbing baseballs never seemed to translate into other areas of the sporting life, like fielding baseballs. Or target shooting.

Canseco, you as a fan of late ’80s baseball, weird social media and gun-related digit trauma will remember, shot off his middle finger while cleaning his gun late last month. Doctors were able to reattach the digit. Happy ending for anyone who’s hoping Canseco is at full strength to type out Juiced 2, right?

Unfortunately, like a lazy fly ball to right field in Arlington, Texas—don’t get the reference? YouTube it—things don’t always work out like they should. Canseco was playing in a poker tournament November 13 when the reattached finger just kind of … fell off. Naturally, Canseco tweeted about the incident. He posted an “after” picture. Even veteran shop teachers were grossed out. The only one who didn’t mind unedited rotting stump footage? Canseco. “I put my finger in the freezer. Anyone want finger appetizers?” he tweeted. Now you know why his former manager Tony La Russa drinks.

You might argue we left the fight game off the aforementioned short list of major sports championships. We might argue that while individual titles are certainly important, the structure of the game isn’t such that one singular champion is more important than another. And that you’re being kind of a pedantic dick about it. But anyway, here’s your fight-game news of the moment: Former UFC fighter War Machine was in Clark County District Court on November 15 for a preliminary hearing on the 34 charges he faces stemming from his alleged assault of porn star Christy Mack. When Mack testified that he sexually assaulted her, War Machine laughed and shook his head. Which, as you can imagine, didn’t sit well with the judge. He’ll have plenty of time to read Nietzsche in prison.

Finally, from the world of our city’s favorite non-athletic pastime, electronic dance music, Insomniac touted an economic impact study claiming the 2014 Electric Daisy Carnival was worth $337.8 million to Clark County. Which buys a lot of glow sticks. And Diplo’s ex-girlfriend gave birth to their second son, whom he promptly named Lazer. It’s just kind of depressing that this isn’t a more formal era, where the child would get a proper name—you know, like Laser, with an “s.” Standards just ain’t what they used to be.

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