Ever since U.S. Senator Harry Reid revealed a month ago that he was retiring in 2016 at the conclusion of his fifth term, we’ve been wondering: What should our state’s top-ranking Democrat do to keep busy once he comes home?
Safety coordinator at Las Vegas Athletic Club
Those treadmills won’t know what hit ’em.
New CEO of Caesars Entertainment
It’s really not much of a leap from a morally bankrupt organization to an
actually bankrupt organization.
Operator of Mantis at Downtown Container Park
Spewing massive amounts of hot air into the world while doing little real work: the actual definition of “senator” in the Constitution!
Playing opposite Tara Reid in Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!
It’s coming in July, but it may not yet be too late to digitally map Harry’s face over Frankie Muniz in post-production.
Floyd Mayweather’s ring escort
Because it’s no less ridiculous than the champ’s current ring escort: none other than Justin Bieber. Plus, Harry actually knows something about staying off the ropes.
Kommandant of the FEMA Death Camps
Which is totally a real thing (just ask any Las Vegas Review-Journal commenter).
The Mr. Miyagi to Michelle Fiore’s Karate Kid
“Show me ‘whitewash an issue.’
Show me ‘obstruct useful legislation.’
Now sweep your own leg.”
Star of Harro, his own Cirque du Soleil production
It will reuse the performers from Viva Elvis, the sets from Viva Elvis, and the entire plot of Viva Elvis—and enjoy the short lifespan of Viva Elvis.
Bingo, nickel slots, early-bird buffet and Matlock reruns—just like every other retiree in this state
Don’t worry, Harry: We won’t judge you.
Docent at the Erotic Heritage Museum
Well, he was Majority and Minority Whip.