The truth is out at last.
Since February, we’ve been peeking through the sealed doors of The Cosmopolitan’s Opium Theatre, adjacent to Rose. Rabbit. Lie., angling for a glimpse of Spiegelworld’s Opium, the new stage comedy featuring a “spaceship of fools” that crash-landed in the resort’s lobby.
The crew of the OPM 4.2, which apparently followed the same mysterious signals that led “veteran theatrical promoter, numerologist, UFO enthusiast and freelance newspaper columnist” Harry M. Howie—the show’s producer and promoter—to Las Vegas, has since settled into their new roles and is ready for their close-up. (We aren’t sure what this all means—but we are very, very intrigued!)
Without further ado …
Capt. Ann Tennille
Commander of the Orbital People Mover OPM 4.2, destination Las Vegas, Planet Earth. She’s bold, she’s beautiful, and she will punch you in the face for standing too close. Avoid eye contact and you should reach your destination safely.
He is second in charge but juggles his duties with dreams of becoming the greatest entertainer in the galaxy. He’s no Freddie Mercury, but he’s the closest [they] could get with the ship’s pitiful entertainment budget.
The ship’s new recruit, he’s young, dumb and full of complex questions. Chip is ready to give everything he’s got to the OPM 4.2 (with the exception of his virginity; he’s saving that for someone special).
Rob the Robot
He’s made of metal but he’s actually a real softie. The ship’s friendly robot represents the very latest in android technology, but please don’t remind him that his ancestors were vacuum cleaners. His life already sucks enough as it is.
Looking for a good time? Look no further! Even the most banal passenger will find themselves swept away by the OPM’s bubbly cruise director and her unending enthusiasm. Make plans to meet her on the activities deck for a round of strip bingo!
Not just the resident medical officer, he is also the ship’s only qualified amateur magician. He’ll make your ills completely disappear, even if he has to kill you in the process.
Nurse Raquel will take your temperature as she raises it. She is always on hand to help the doctor, whether it’s collecting a urine sample in zero gravity conditions or acting as assistant to his delusional illusions.
Who else understands how the toilets work on a spaceship? They didn’t even seem to have any on Lost in Space or Star Trek. Nobody really knows what his deal is, but Scottie sure knows his way around vacuum tubing.
The ship’s celebrity passenger lives to entertain. Her ancestors founded Las Vegas many eons ago, and now she’s heading to Earth for the very first time to headline in her homeland. High-heeled and hirsute, she will hug your soul with song.
And … The Many Moons
The greatest band from Quasar System 5. They’ve got rhythm and 26 identifiable forms of extraterrestrial communicable diseases.
Dlanor on keys
Evad on bass
Krik on guitar
Horst on fingering and blowing
Spacecrabs on drums
Opium by Spiegelworld lands at the Opium Theatre next to Rose. Rabbit. Lie. March 27. Tickets start at $79 and can be purchased via the Cosmopolitan website.