Compiled by @marseniuk
@abigvictory My NCAA bracket thus far: How the west was none.
@andrewkiraly On page 2,938 of the health care bill, there’s a coupon 4 a free ThighMaster, redeemable @ participating Family Dollar stores.
@ryvance Can’t believe it’s almost baseball season again. Who needs silly spring flowers when you’ve got spring training … and chewing tobacco?
@TFLN (512): It’s 9 a.m. and we’re in an Escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like the morning after a rap video.
@RalstonFlash Fave press release headline of year: “Chad Christensen Calls on Nevada to Declare Healthcare UNCONSTITUTIONAL.” I think he means the bill.
@ChambersUM32 #RandomThought If man evolved from monkeys and apes, then y in da hell do we still have monkeys and apes??
@sween 1. Put chocolate chips in mouth. 2. Put peanut butter in mouth. 3. Chew. 4. Go outside and shriek at the moon because GOD I FEEL SO ALIVE!
@badbanana Not sure what bums me out more: That @jetlabels uses my tweets as his own or that, after doing so, he only has 12 followers.
@criss_angel By the way, there are lots of people claiming to be Fake Criss Angel but they are not me. I’m the only real illusion of an illusionist. FCA
@MIKESNEDEGAR Overheard at Target “That’s it—I want a divorce!” “Really? I would hate to have a break-up in the toothpaste aisle.”
@Drewmagary I shouldn’t want a wonton taco, but here we are.
@nathanrabin Whatever happened to Jesse Camp? Verily, he bestrode our culture as a Colossus, then vanished mysteriously into the ether.
@jockinjb They keep spelling “tourist” wrong. It’s T-E-R-R-O-R-I-S-T.
