Yo, Mitt—over here.
Acting as your (apolitical) adviser, may I suggest a campaign stop? Our bastion of fulsome wholesomeness: Flamingo’s Donny & Marie show. Why: The M Word. Rightly or wrongly, the Mormonism of Mitt is in play. (Politically indifferent readers, we’re addressing the Mittster, a.k.a. Mr. Romney, presumptive Republican presidential nominee.) Portrayed as so colorless you’d lose a personality contest to a coatrack, you’ve made some voters and pundits uneasy as the enigmatic face of a religion many don’t understand and some fear.
Enter the faith’s finest ambassadors: the Osmond siblings. You need what they’ve got—pizzazz, humor, likability, even a little sex appeal (chaste, except when Marie wears her dominatrix boots). Consider photo ops at their entertaining show via trademark bits: Donny fist-bumping you while booth-and-table climbing into the crowd (impressive since Donny’s a 54-year-old grandpa); Marie applying cherry-red lipstick to plant a juicy one on your forehead. Instant campaign posters. True, it’s not President Obama slow-rapping with Jimmy Fallon (who called him “Preezy of the United Steezy”), but it’s a beginning.
Our toothsome twosome provides a winning quartet of qualities: Vegas cool crossed with family values crossed with enduring popularity crossed with Mormonism wrapped in mainstream acceptance. Plus, as you pivot toward the political center when you face the Preezy of the United Steezy, they even lend you a touch of—GASP!—liberalism, given Marie’s admirable support of her lesbian daughter.
All upside, no downside. Ironically for you as a “severe conservative,” it’s Vegas that offers at least a partial solution to that M Word headache. Granted, our state is already likely to go red and Obama has made disparaging remarks about Vegas in the past that will get rehashed.
Perhaps the singing sibs would decline official ties—Donny quietly kicked in $2,500 toward your campaign but hasn’t spoken about it, and Marie won’t discuss politics publicly. Still, they’d welcome you to their show. Media coverage would be the equivalent of Christmas morning. Mitt, you need warmth, color and image-friendly Mormonism. Donny and Marie give you all three.
Just advice from an (apolitical) adviser.
NOSHING ON NOTES: Comedy-wise, 29-year-old Iliza Shlesinger, youngest winner of Last Comic Standing, is at Sunset Station May 18, and 77-year-old Grandma Lee, who made a splash on America’s Got Talent, opens a two-month run May 31 at the Rio’s King’s Room on Eddie Griffin’s off days … Sweet Honey in the Rock, a female group that relies only on their voices and percussion instruments to perform blues, rap and reggae, sweetens The Smith Center on May 9. … Tickets are on sale for the annual Ribbon of Life show, this year at The Smith Center on June 24, featuring Clint Holmes and Reva Rice. Call 749-2000 or visit GoldenRainbow.org or TheSmithCenter.com.
STRIP POSTSCRIPT: Ever parked in the Flamingo’s creepy garage? They ought to assign beefy headliner George Wallace to escort visitors back to their cars. Or Marie in her dominatrix boots.