@Urbindex I can’t wait to get fat this Thanksgiving.

@TlGERWOODS Tony Parker? #ohjustlikeme

@AdamSadie Leaving Drai’s late Fri night does not make for a productive Saturday #FML

@kjswick Al-Zirkawi “just ousted Bin Laden as the mayor of ToraBoraCaves on @foursquare!”

@MissHeatherTang Plz don’t mistake my alone-ness for loneliness… or my single-ness for desperation. Sometimes fabulous walks alone!

@thejohnblog Red Bull may give you wings but this ‘Four Loco’ I mixed with Ambien straight-up gave me hooves and LOOKIME! I’M A CENTAUR!

@nippys Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

@ToddPM The Beatles are on iTunes. This is not world-changing news; they’re the same overrated songs they were last week.

@mg It continues to baffle me why people pay thousands of dollars to attend an event/conference and then stare at their laptops and do e-mail.

@caseycrites Sometimes when I feel my dog has lost faith in me, I take him to the light switch and turn it off and on a lot to remind him that I’m magic.

@GorillaSushi If you run through airport security, is it now considered streaking?

@amishtraveler Somehow, it just doesn’t feel like the holidays are coming. Thanksgiving. Xmas. I’m just not feeling it. I want summer back.

@Aimee_B_Loved Oh, Kanye. You are the turducken of the music world. A gifted artist stuffed in a crazy person stuffed in a total douchebag.