Comrade Grumpy

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Comrade Grumpy

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Peeve of the Week: Hypocritical Dress Codes

A few weeks ago, I tried getting into Inspire Theater but was turned away. I was wearing a button-down shirt, a pair of slim jeans, casual sneakers and—gasp—a baseball cap. Women didn’t clutch their purse and run to the other side of the road. Children didn’t call me a monster and run away from me. Police didn’t cite me for any sort of crime. Read More

Taxicab Blues

There are times when I have to take a taxicab: whenever I’m going to and from McCarran, visiting any local bars I can’t access by foot or bicycle, and whenever I’m picking up my red Lada hatchback from Oleg the mechanic, whose handwritten invoices rival Ulysses in page count and in my difficulty to parse them. So I take cabs, which has been a largely pleasant experience so far; I haven’t had to deal with too many surly drivers, and I’ve yet to be long-hauled. But sometimes, just every so often, Steve Wynn is Read More

Feh to Pharmaceutical Ads

My leg is restless. I am suffering from gastric distress. Since 3 a.m. last Tuesday, dizziness has been an issue. I have joint pain and slight inflammation of the nostrils and eyelids. My hair is falling out. Last Tuesday, at 2:38 a.m., I woke up without any particular maladies. I had a lot on my mind, though, and I wanted to have less on my mind, so I turned on the Read More

comrade grumpette

Airport Shuttle Blues

The moment I knew how thoroughly tourism dominated this burg? Back when I called to book an airport shuttle for a Christmas trip to my hometown and was told they only stopped at hotels. Where I come from, shuttles come right to your house. You know, so people who live there can get to the airport? But in Las Vegas, I had to haul my suitcase 10 blocks to the nearest tourist trap, only to learn that the stop had moved around the corner. To make matters worse, the driver only took cash, and he didn’t carry any change. No wonder I was the only passenger on the Read More

Comrade Grumpy’s Peeve of the Week

The ESPiNation of Geography

On March 29, 1976, the great illustrator Saul Steinberg secured his place in sports history with a New Yorker cover called “View of the World From 9th Avenue.” In the drawing, 50 percent of the United States consists of the blocks between Ninth and the Hudson River in New York City, and the other 50 percent is almost completely barren, save for a few lumps of stone somewhere near Denver and a grove of trees in Las Vegas. Read More

Family-unfriendly Hoa’s

Do you live in a neighborhood kept nice and tidy by a homeowners association? This is a good thing when it means little pocket parks for late-night dog-bladder duty. And a great thing when it means that the neighbor can’t permanently park his bug-spray van—the one with the ladder on top and the recluse-spider side mural—in front of your Read More

Peeve of the Week

Unapproved Messages

I cannot remember the last time I picked up the house phone. In fact, when it rings—does it ever stop ringing?—the family choir croons in unison, “Don’t answer it!” Visits to the mailbox are down to once a week (and a wheelbarrow is now required to haul the contents, 95 percent of which immediately—blindly—gets Read More

Unapproved Messages

I cannot remember the last time I picked up the house phone. In fact, when it rings—does it ever stop ringing?—the family choir croons in unison, “Don’t answer it!” Visits to the mailbox are down to once a week (and a wheelbarrow is now required to haul the contents, 95 percent of which immediately—blindly—gets tossed into the trash). And the channel-changing and mute buttons are now indistinguishable on the TV Read More