Movies
Movie Review
THE EAGLE (PG-13)
★★☆☆☆
February 17th, 2011
In second-century Britain, Roman imperialist commander Marcus Aquila (Channing Tatum) concocts a mission for himself and his Caledonian slave Esca (Jamie Bell) to travel beyond Hadrian’s Wall, which separates Rome’s northernmost territory, to go in search of Rome’s totemic “Eagle of the Ninth Legion.” The gold standard was lost 20 years earlier by the 5,000-troop brigade which Marcus’ father commanded. Read more »
Movie Review
THE ROOMATE (R)
★★☆☆☆
February 17th, 2011
This uninspired B-movie thriller might as well be called Single White Female: The College Years. A sweet, unsuspecting co-ed (Minka Kelly) finds herself bunking with a psychologically unstable roommate (Leighton Meester) who begins picking off her loved ones and becoming obsessed with their friendship. Despite its predictability, The Roommate has moments of campy fun, but overall it’s a letdown. Read more »
Movie Review
GNOMEO & JULIET (G)
★☆☆☆☆
February 17th, 2011
Sharing only the smidgen of a resemblance to the legendary storyline of Shakespeare’s tragedy, this animated children’s movie is an abomination by any standard. Packed with updated versions of Elton John songs (example: “Crocodile Rock” duet by John and Lady Gaga), this is one long series of music videos gone wrong. Read more »
Movie Review
(Not Quite) Golden Eagle
A hunky Channing Tatum goes Roman in this decent action flick
February 10th, 2011
Ambitiously set in the second century, The Eagle is a codpiece-and-crossbow saga of relentlessly exciting battle sequences sandwiched between tedious, unconvincing chatter about testy tribes, cantankerous centurions, fiery feudal warriors and camera-ready six-pack abs modeled by hunky pinups Channing Tatum and Jamie Bell. It isn’t going to win any awards for artistic excellence, but with two 8-by-10 glossies flexing their glutes from here to the middle of next week and an able support group including Donald Sutherland and Denis O’Hare, it’s not exactly a snore, either. Read more »
Movie Review
Too Cruel for School
The Roommate is a frighteningly unoriginal tale of girl-on-girl stalking
February 10th, 2011
True story: The summer before my freshman year of college, I received a form letter that was supposed to contain the name, address and phone number of my future roommate. All I got, though, was a name and “address” (a post office box number in Pinehurst, N.C.)—apparently, my future roomie had no phone number or physical mailbox. I spent the last weeks of summer consumed by macabre visions of the backwoods hick with whom I would surely be stuck. Did she drink Moonshine? Would she teach me to skin a possum, or interrupt my sleep with banjo practice? As it turned out, I had nothing to worry about—my roommate was a gorgeous jet-setting foreigner who used her grandparents’ U.S. address in her application—but the fear of the unknown can be powerful. It’s also the driving force behind The Roommate, a predictably dumb, mildly entertaining B-movie thriller that might as well be called Single White Female: The College Years. Read more »
Movie Review
Dissing the Bard
Gnomeo & Juliet turns the Shakespeare classic into a 3-D Elton John promo reel
February 10th, 2011
Sharing only a measly resemblance to the legendary storyline for William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, this animated children’s movie is an abomination by any standard. To see one of Shakespeare’s most-beloved plays maligned with such mudslinging indulgence is an affront that no audience should suffer. If you were thinking it might be a good introduction to Shakespeare for little ones, think again. It’s hard to imagine what incited the depth of loathing the film’s nine screenwriters actively exhibit against the Bard. One thing is certain, they make their revulsion loud and clear. Read more »
Movie Review
The Mechanic (R)
★★☆☆☆
February 10th, 2011
Jason Statham stars as elite assassin Arthur Bishop in this emptily entertaining update of the 1972 film starring Charles Bronson. After he’s forced to murder his mentor, Arthur finds himself playing Mr. Miyagi to the man’s wayward son (Ben Foster), who wants to learn his bloody trade. Slick and heartless, the movie runs on brutal violence—when no one’s getting riddled with bullets, it lags. But there’s plenty of machismo and gore, if you like that kind of thing. Read more »
Movie Review
Cedar Rapids (R)
★★★☆☆
February 10th, 2011
Ed Helms nails his part as small-town insurance salesman Tim Lippe. Tim has never traveled beyond the borders of Brown Valley, Wis., but he must fly to Cedar Rapids, Iowa, for an insurance convention. Party animal Dean Ziegler (John C. Reilly) is placed in Tim’s hotel room along with straight-shooter Ronald Wilkes (wonderfully played by Isiah Whitlock Jr.). Throw into the mix Anne Heche as a vixen on the loose and laughs follow like water from a showerhead. Read more »
Movie Review
Sanctum (R)
★★☆☆☆
February 10th, 2011
Full of artificial exposition and rinky-dink dialogue, Sanctum is a 3-D slasher flick. Inside Papua, New Guinea’s vast cave system a group of cave-divers are trapped by a giant storm. Ioan Gruffudd is the rich adventurer whose money is paying for the expedition. Hardscrabble cave-master Frank (Richard Roxburgh) is in charge. Frank’s son Josh (Rhys Wakefield) proves to be a key ingredient on the mission. Sanctum should be an intensely claustrophobic adventure movie; it’s not. Read more »
Movie Review
No Strings Attached (R)
★☆☆☆☆
February 3rd, 2011
Ashton Kutcher takes Natalie Portman into the void with Ivan Reitman’s out-to-lunch direction on this poor romantic comedy. After his ex-girlfriend starts sleeping with his dad, Adam (Kutcher) meets up with the too-busy-for-love med student Emma (Portman), to whom he lost his virginity at age 14. The couple has pretend raucous sex until something passing as real emotion starts to come between. Miserable. Read more »
